wow itz been a while since i blogged.. sometimes i want to blog but iono.. i dont associate xanga w/ blogging anymore so i don't end up blogging. i only associate it w/ reading now.. anyways.. so yeah.. talking to mark has been very been eye-opening. it actually SORTA made me feel better.. but also not completely better.. b/c i def wanted someone to agree w/ me. THAT would make me feel better. at least i can always count on my bf to make me feel better. and i mostly agree w/ mark.. but i still think he's a bit biased against me. oh well. im gonna conclude that i AGREE that i shud clean up after myself.. but we also have to keep in mind that 1.) itz not the biggest deal in the world. altho i do do it a lot.. i also do eventually clean up, although sometimes it takes a while lol. hey theres SO many ppl that leaves just as much if not more messes than me and NEVER cleans up. but their roomies arent all fucking assholes about it! and 2) old habits are hard to break.. esp since a little mess doesnt bother ME. so if they 3) ASK ME IN A NICE WAY, i would PROBABLY be more willing to do it. just saying. and no mark, they weren't nice in the beginning. they were always dickheads. i srsly still kinda want them dead.. well not only my roommates. hell yes would they not room w/ me, but same for me too! i would never in my life room w/ them if i knew.. but for them, they also DONT WANT TO ROOM W/ ANYONE. so what's the fucking point? if you're going to label all your shit right from the start, what's the point of even having roommates? u dont really want to be their friend.. and if u dont want anyone to touch ur stuff, then dont have roommates in the first place! DUH! and i know, some ppl can assume that they dont want their shit touched, but also.. i remember ray's old roomies.. they were just like.. yeah, my food is your food!!! why cant my roomies be like that? i mean i dont expect them to let me cook and eat all their food, but i never thought borrowing a little of their shit cuz i dont have it is a big deal. cuz i mean.. emily did use my sugar to bake.. prolly cuz she RAN OUT of it and doesnt want to run all the way to county market to get some. yeah srsly. fuck them. and i still love mark. kinda. lol. well now that i know that he doesnt like me that much.. and i dont have any reason to not like him.. him not liking me as much is now the reason why i wont like him that much! if that makes any sense. basically i USUALLY dont dislike anyone unless they personally did something to hurt me.. OR if i find out they dislike me for no good reason. so yeah. mark would be the latter. but itz ok
i shud prolly sleep soon. but yeah.. i do def miss some of my old friends.. like ran, annie.. SOMETIMES rose and conny. but yeah.. i think there's a reason why theyre not in my life anymore. im certain about who my real friends are. sometimes i wish i can friend them again.. but then im like.. i dont want to look BAD. like if they trash me first, why would i come running back to them to try to regain their friendship? i rather make new friends. but hopefully not guys.. cuz im never sure if guys are just being nice to me cuz they think im attractive or not (and im not assuming that they always find me attractive. im just saying that this is a big factor). and im still ok w/ annie haha. but she hangs out w/ ppl that basically trashed me. and sometimes i do think im the one that is wrong if most ppl dont like me.. but i also think itz likely that they are ALL wrong. esp since i didnt do anything. i remember 5th grade. no one liked the new girl (her namez bianca tobar). but she didnt do anything wrong. she was just different. in fact, she was really nice! so yeah. and the fact that i do still have friends is a sign that what im doing can't be THAT wrong lol
but yeah.. fuck my roommates.. and my old friends lol. but esp my roommates lol. like srsly.. go die or something, since obviously i cant get them to NOT be my roomies cuz we signed a lease *sigh*
